Heathclyff’s Story
Self Care Activities
The following resource has been put together as I found a lot of the usual suggestions were simply not helpful. For example, we are forever being directed to connecting with family or friends but there were many barriers as to why I could not do this. If I joined a group, I found myself not returning after a visit or two as I felt very disconnected from others and would leave, feeling that I was unable to contribute to such a group in a productive way. This became very unhealthy as I started to pull away from others around me.
After losing my partner, I felt very isolated and so I had to allow myself to connect to things that would just find their own connection to me. As I did so, I found them healing in terms of an inner journey as opposed to a prescription handed out to me by others. Many people would say, "If I were you…," but I found a lot that was shared to be hampering me as many involved other people. From where I was sitting, I needed things that I could also do by myself.
The reason that I am offering them up here is to simply prompt others to ways of finding their own healing and to generate further ideas on those already listed; to maybe expand a given activity to a way that becomes more personal and yet safe for you to do. They are suggestions only and may not appeal to everyone. You should only do these activities if you feel comfortable to do so.
These activities are all the things that I notice myself doing as I move ever so slowly forward, integrating my loss in a more positive way that is able to support me. May they support you too, this is my one hope.
Take a short or a long walk, at a time that suits you.
Visit a park to eat your lunch and listen to the wind moving through the trees or the song of birds. Observe the insects as they flitter from flower to flower. Write your feelings in a journal. Binoculars are good to have on these occasions.
Take an ice water bath. Dip your face in a bowl of ice water. It’s a cold plunge for your face and is a good way to keep yourself centred.
Drink something warm - Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate. Maybe a soup.
Listen to gentle music, such as “instrumental” music. Create your own playlist that you can access at any time. Find music that calms, restores and inspires you.
Read a favorite book, watch a movie or flick through a magazine.
Reach out to someone who always lifts you up.
Go for a drive or train ride in the country or to the beach. Look for shells.
Take a dip in the ocean or spend time on a ferry boat.
Journal about a memory that brought you a sense of joy.
Get a massage.
Give yourself a foot massage. Try a trigger point ball or massage chair.
Try Yoga or other mindfulness activity. Or any exercise program that may appeal to you.
Turn off your phone and step away from your computer for a whole day.
Try doing a crossword or other puzzle if that is your thing.
Lay on the floor with your legs up on the wall for 5 minutes.
Walk outside barefoot. Pick a grassy area or visit a local park.
Dance or sing to a favorite song. Maybe learn the lyrics.
Go see a movie by yourself or with a friend. Have a coffee afterwards.
Create a piece of artwork －draw, cut, paste, scribble, or colour in a mandala. I like the good old fashioned colouring-in books.
Stretch your body.
Take a day trip to a place you love. Maybe indulge in a picnic.
Spend time sitting or walking in the sun (but remember your sunscreen).
Or maybe you would rather enjoy time in the rain. Sometimes listening to the rain as you are cozy inside your home can also be a source of comfort.
Go for a bike ride. Ride you own or hire one.
Treat yourself to some self-care such as a hair cut, attending to your nails or whatever takes your fancy.
Visit an Op Shop and see if you can find something to fall in love with.
Burn your favourite incense (note that sage for smudging can set off your smoke alarm).
Diffuse essential oils such as lavender (be aware of any pets when using oils). Learn about the properties of oils that you can diffuse.
Notice and name 5 things around you (something you can see, feel, hear, touch and taste). This is a good centring exercise.
Buy flowers for yourself and make an arrangement in a vase or grow a plant in a pot. Make time in the garden to establish a flower bed or herb garden. House plants can be a real joy, as too artificial flowers.
Or take time to observe the trees, plants and birds outside your window.
Organize a small space in your home (a drawer or closet) for the special things in your life or the things you cannot part with.
If you are handy with woodwork, make a bookcase or shelf.
Spend time in nature. Camping or a walk or hike somewhere beautiful.
If you need to, have a good cry (as tears can help us with our healing).
Write a letter to a trusted person about how you are feeling or about the person who is now gone.
Decluttering is great for focusing the mind. Only do this if it benefits YOU and not for other people. Distribute any unwanted items as you see fit. Maybe some things can go to people you know who shall value them as reminders or who can use them (art materials, for example).
Donate to a charity to lift your spirits, to honour the one now gone.
Try some voluntary work (refocusing from your own pain to help others).
Light a candle to remember your person. A candle in a coloured glass jar can look really nice. Change the colours to suit your mood.
Learn meditation.
If you feel comfortable, you may find prayer to be supportive.
Visit a place that holds something Spiritual for you. It could be a church, synagogue or mosque or a place within a natural setting (a park, river etc).
Be gentle on yourself, especially on Anniversaries or Festive occasions. If you need to cancel events, remember that this is OK.
Arrange your books, or other collectables, into a new way of display (This can re-connect you back to those things that you love).
Visiting an antique market or store.
Buy yourself something from your earlier life that gave you pleasure at that time, such as a toy from your childhood (I found a toy from when I was 5 years old several decades back).
Have a good chinwag with someone that reignites happier times.
Spend time with your pets or observe fish in an aquarium or a pet shop. If you don’t have a pet, ask someone in the park if you can pat their dog or approach a cat to see if you can pat it.
Learn a new skill such as cooking, art or photography.
Find something to get you really focused on, such as learning a new language. Esperanto, for example, is a fairly easy and yet enjoyable language to learn.
Visit an animal or bird sanctuary, maybe a wetlands or forest.
Try your hand at writing a fictional story (set your own theme).
Sitting quietly and listening to the ambient outside noises around you can be calming, whether it be during the day or at night.
Observe the night-time animals outside your window. Look at the moon as it shines through the trees and imagine life on it.
If you need to, then join a Support Group as these can be immensely supportive and you can share in a safe environment. Or you could always consider seeing a therapist.