Noticing signs of distress

When someone is thinking about suicide, you might notice changes in that person’s behaviour, thoughts, actions and language.

A man with a beard looks away. He is wearing glasses and holding a cup of tea

It is not always easy to recognise when someone is overwhelmed or having thoughts of suicide. Signs of distress can look like…

Actions

  • Quitting activities someone once loved 

  • Withdrawing from friends, family, school, work

  • Not using usual forms of communication (e.g. only communicating via text message and not picking up calls when they regularly would communicate via phone calls)

  • Giving away important possessions

  • Impulsive behaviour  

  • Being reckless or taking risks

  • Changes in performance at work, school, or uni

  • Misusing substances (e.g. alcohol or other drugs)

  • Online research about suicide 

  • Changes in online behaviour – e.g., erratic social media posting, posts that are hopeless, heavy, or final (such as a goodbye).  

Physical

  • Changes in eating patterns, sleeping habits, or sex drive

  • Extreme tiredness

  • A loss of interest in personal appearance and/or hygiene 

Feelings or changes in mood

  • Extreme mood swings

  • Sudden positive mood after a period of low mood

  • Low energy

  • Numbness

  • Guilty

  • Anger

  • Shame

  • Hopelessness

  • Sad

  • Helpless

Language

  • “Would you miss me if I was gone?” 

  • “Nobody understands me.” 

  • “It’s never going to change.”

  • “What’s the point?”

  • “No one cares.”

  • “All of my problems will be gone soon.”

If you have noticed any changes in behaviour, ways of communicating or some of the signs of distress mentioned above, in a partner, family member, friend or someone from community, you may want to start a conversation about suicide.

But first... let's check in with ourselves.

Seeing or hearing someone in distress can be really difficult. It may even bring up some of your own painful memories, emotions or feelings. Take a moment to check in with yourself to see how you are feeling. Some common feelings you might notice are: 

  • Feeling scared or unsure of how to respond 

  • Feeling tense in your body or your mind racing 

  • Feeling overwhelmed  

Recognising and acknowledging how you’re feeling can help with understanding your own boundaries and capacity to support someone. When you understanding your own boundaries and capacity, this can create a safer space if and when you are ready to start a conversation about suicide. 

You can learn more about looking after yourself when supporting someone here.  

It is not always easy to recognise when someone is in distress, because everyone expresses themselves differently