Our stories

And yet, I see your face and form

Hear your laughter and witness your heart. 

In the micro-moments with strangers and friends

Even though I know we’re apart. 

After losing my partner, I felt very isolated and so I had to allow myself to connect to things that would just find their own connection to me. As I did so, I found them healing in terms of an inner journey as opposed to a prescription handed out to me by others.

And since matter's not created or destroyed but can be rearranged

You may have become those branches reaching out to me.

Why not? You changed hourly in this world.

Rejection equalled loss of connection with myself & others. This early experience led me to a cycle of substance abuse for years, just trying & fill that void - of not belonging or being good enough. It felt easier to let go and attempt suicide than to try to figure out and accept who I was, and live a better life.

With a shattered heart I mourn your passing

Not knowing my long windy road will lead

Your earthly existence no more

Now a brilliant bright star in the heavenly night sky

Guiding myself and other deer to safer grounds

& you had closed your eyes & you had truly gone

& i am not quite sure of what elements in our equation blinded me to the deep of you

I feel like I have some kind of trifecta of suicide experience, my own, caring for another and the loss of many dear queer friends to suicide as well as others from outside the community and people in my biofamily. Description goes here

Wanting to die often has nothing to do with anyone else. It can be a very private and isolating experience. But the way that the external world handles this experience, although can come in many different iterations, usually reverts the responsibility of staying alive onto the person who wants to die.  

I am 48, bi and non-binary. I have worked in suicide prevention, supported people who were suicidal, lost a partner to suicide, and have experience with suicide thoughts and behaviours.

My story of surviving suicide and of mental health treatment is one of someone who had to advocate for themselves, for safe and competent care, even when no person should reasonably have been asked to be still fighting. 

A word I cannot escape,

as feel a certain cheer

that envelops my deepest being amongst the queer

and decidedly momentarily alive, right now, sitting here.

Suicide has touched my life in many ways over the years and I imagine will continue to.

I have experienced the loss of friends and family. I have had thoughts of suicide, have made plans and have been rescued. I have lived carelessly, self-harmed and taken risks. I have had contributing factors such as an eating disorder.