Who is a supporter?

The supporter role

“What helps me tell someone I'm thinking about suicide is to know the person is not going to go to worst case scenario straight away, not go into disaster planning or think this is a catastrophe. I have friends who hold that space for me without making it feel like an emergency and it helps me stay safe.”
- Gloria (they/them)

It can be very difficult to know and accept that someone close to you is affected by suicide. You may feel that you want to show up and help in every way you can.

When supporting someone who is thinking of suicide, we might forget or ignore looking after our own needs. This is why thinking about our boundaries is important.

Boundaries help to create clear guidelines about what kind of support and how much support you can offer, which can keep you emotionally safer and ensure that you have energy for your own needs.

When supporting someone who is affected by suicide, it is likely that at times you will feel a wide range of overwhelming emotions. Everyone’s response is unique and there is no right or wrong way to feel.


What happens if we don’t set boundaries when we are supporting someone else?

If we don’t have boundaries set up when offering support to someone else, you may face some of the following:

  • An intense preoccupation with worrying about if someone is going to be ok – more likely if you’re processing this on your own and don’t have someone external to the situation to debrief with.

  • An overwhelming sense of responsibility to keep them safe – especially if you feel you are their only supporter.

  • Guilt or self-blame for how someone is feeling, or if you can’t change it.

  • Fear, hopelessness, or powerlessness in response to the situation and a lack of being able to control or fix it.

  • Frustration or anger toward the situation and how much worry someone is causing you.

  • Physical and/or emotional exhaustion.

If some of the above points feel similar to what you’re feeling at the moment, please remember that all of these feelings (and more) are a very natural response to an incredibly difficult situation.

It can feel humbling, rewarding and like a privilege to care for someone we love, but it’s also likely that at times you’ll feel a wide range of overwhelming emotions.