Responding on social media
A large portion of our interactions and lives happen in the online world
For some people, might be easier to open up and be honest about how their feeling in an online environment.
It can be hard to know how we should respond if we see a suicidal post online by someone we know. We might feel like it’s not our place, or that lots of people will see it, so we don’t need to address it ourselves. While there’s no one right way to navigate online suicidal posts, here are some tips to get you started:
Firstly, as the person hasn’t contacted you directly, consider your own well-being and decide if you are able to hold space for this person at this time.
If you’re not, that’s completely okay. It's always important to prioritise our own mental health. If you still want to show care but don’t want to get involved, you could simply post the numbers or include the links for appropriate helplines and services in the comments for them - and anyone else affected by the post - to be aware of.
If you are, it’s important to consider a few things when responding:
If you have the person’s phone number, consider reaching out directly (call or text). Direct contact is always a more affirmative action and lets the person know you’re worried and you care. If you don’t have their number, reach out to them via a direct/private message through the social media platform they’ve posted the suicidal content on.
Use the person’s preferred name and pronouns. Using their name helps to personalise conversations, and acknowledging their identity helps to create a safer and affirming environment for them.
Don’t like the post (or use any other reaction emoji). This isn’t a clear response, and you may risk sending the wrong message.
Don’t start with a public comment on the post. We don’t have control of public online spaces and can’t control keeping the conversation safe and contained. We also don’t want to risk glamourising suicidal ideation or triggering someone - we never know who is seeing online content or what they’re going through.
If their post is in a comment on your post, consider hiding it from public view before responding to them.
When you reach out, consider what you would say if this was a face-to-face conversation? Would it match what you would say to them in a different setting? To a degree, we all have an online personality, but in this instance, it’s important that the other person can feel we’re comfortable and responding as our authentic selves. Don’t say anything online you wouldn’t be comfortable to say to them face-to-face.
When you reach out, reference the post you’ve seen and start a gentle conversation that invites them to share what’s going on for them, e.g., I saw your Facebook post and it really worried me. It sounds like you’re having a really hard time?
Even though the conversation wasn’t planned and isn’t in a face-to-face environment, based on their post, it’s important to ask the question about suicide directly. E.g., I'm worried about you and from your post it sounds like you might be feeling suicidal. Are you thinking about killing yourself?
It can be hard to know how we should respond if we see a suicidal post online by someone we know.
At immediate risk of suicide:
Encourage them to call emergency services (000)
Reach out to someone in their close network who may be able to provide immediate support.
If you're worried about their immediate safety and you’re not convinced they will call emergency services, try to calmly and naturally gather enough information about where they are and what they’re planning so you can call 000 on their behalf. (You can also report the post through some social media platforms online help centres, as they can trace the post to the address it was sent from.)
Try to keep them talking with you and engaged while you do this, and if you feel that it’s safe for them to know, you could let them know you’re calling for help on their behalf.
Report the post/content through the social media platforms channels to have it removed.
Not at immediate risk of suicide:
Thank them for answering your question and follow up with something supportive depending on what feels safest for you at this time. For example:
If you’re open to engaging, you could ask them if they’d like to talk about how they’re feeling?
If you need a boundary, thank them for responding to you and tell them you’re glad they’re safe. Consider sharing Rainbow Door and Qlife numbers with them and let them know there are helplines available for them to safely talk with a LGBTIQA+ peer about how they’re feeling.
Following up
It’s possible that someone at immediate or high risk of suicide might tell you they’re fine. There are many reasons they might do this, with a common one being that they don’t want any plans disrupted. For LGBTIQA+ people there are also a number of additional barriers to help-seeking (link to another resource). If you suspect someone is at-risk despite telling you they’re okay, consider these options:
Tell them it’s okay if they don’t want to talk to you but you’re worried about them and ask if there is someone they would feel more comfortable talking with right now
Reach out to someone in their close network who may be able to engage with them.
Ask if you can reach out the next day to check how they’re feeling
When to report unsafe content:
Types of content that may create risk of harm to the author of the post, or to others who see the post and may be vulnerable or influenced should be reported to the platform.
Examples of content that may be harmful to the author and/or others: Any content that includes, graphic details, plans and/or methods, information on self-harming/suicide, statements of blame or responsibility, or repetitive posting. Comments on the post indicative of trolling, bullying, homophobia/transphobia, invasion of the person's privacy, suicide pacts, or encouragement of suicide.
Aftercare
Exposure to suicidal content is likely to have an impact on us, especially if it’s someone we’re close to, or if we feel triggered by the issues and thoughts they’re experiencing.
Consider taking a break from social media. Alternatively, if social media is how to stay connected, consider taking control of what content you see, or use another one of your platforms for a few days.
Debrief/talk to someone about how you’re feeling. This could be a friend, or a trained peer from Rainbow Door or Qlife
Engage in a practice that helps you to recentre yourself. This could look like going for a walk, seeing friends, journaling your thoughts, or meditating. If you’d like some guidance, try this 10-minute guided meditation for reframing stress by Headspace.